


Miracle Drug

by theblackempress



Series: The Happiest Years of Their Lives [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Alternate Universe - No Sgrub Session, Awkward Sexual Situations, Depression, Gen, Implied/Referenced Sex, Mild Sexual Content, Self-harming, Sexual Tension, Social Anxiety, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Underage Sex, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-08
Updated: 2014-09-28
Packaged: 2018-02-16 15:40:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 21
Words: 8,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2275293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theblackempress/pseuds/theblackempress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eridan struggles with the hardest times of his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Shaken

**Author's Note:**

> It’s an AU. And I like Eridan wearing a hoodie. Oh, and more of a… societal AU. Like, trolls are still trolls but it’s in high school and stuff. Yeah, cliche premise but this is a release of feelings, so just roll with it.
> 
> This fanfiction is partly inspired by the U2 song of the same name. it's an excellent song. Go listen to it.
> 
> I read every single one of my comments and love hearing what you all have to say. Don't worry about commenting, and it does not have to be positive. As long as you're giving me constructive feedback, I appreciate it. Every response and kudos I get brings a smile to my face. <3

Eridan kept checking his phone as Cronus dodged in and out of traffic. 7:56. Great, class started already, and he’s late _again_. The car pulled up to the school, and Cronus shoved Eridan out of the car. Stumbling on the pavement, Eridan dashed his way up to the school and ran halfway across to get to his first class, Algebra I.

His third year in the class. He had been such a smart student up until the seventh grade, then it all went downhill from that. The seventh grade was the worst year of his life. For reasons Eridan would rather not talk about.

He slid into the classroom, plopping in his desk, and taking out his homework. His teacher eyed him down, giving him a “Late again, Mr Ampora?” and marking it down on the attendance list. Another student, Gamzee Makara, laughed, possibly being high as all fuck and not even understanding what was going on.

He shuffled through his homework, taking out the math worksheet he had worked over an hour on. He asked his brothers for help, but neither bothered. Orph was probably out with his girlfriend and Cro didn’t care. The usual. He should’ve understood how it worked, but he couldn’t.

And of course, at the end of class, he received his homework back with the D+ mark scrawled in red in the corner, over his name. If he was in seventh grade, Eridan would’ve been devastated. However, he didn’t care now, at all.

As the bell rang, Eridan swung his backpack onto his back, stuffed his hands into his hoodie pocket, and started off to gym class. In the halls, he passed his former best friend, Sollux Captor, arm-in-arm with his ex-girlfriend and former other best friend, Feferi Peixes. Sollux caught his eyes, giving a disgusted look on his face while Eridan turned the other way, into the boys locker room.

He took his pack off, opened his locker, and picked up the mess of fabric that was his gym clothes. They were hand-me-downs from Orphie, with his name scrawled out and Eridan’s written on over it. A few other boys were changing, most he knew.

Eridan took his clothes to the bathroom with him, slipping into a stall and taking off his hoodie and tank top underneath. Going to pick up the gym clothes, he saw what he was avoiding.

They were fresh, to say the least, and he couldn’t stand looking at them. He dressed quickly and made it out to the gym.

He had contemplated wearing a hoodie or long sleeves today to hide his arms, but they were going outside today for class, and he didn’t want to overheat and pass out. If that happened, they’d see what he was hiding and would send him off to the hospital or something, or back to the outpatient center. He _hated_ it there, since the one he went to was an hour away and Cronus had to drive him. A whole hour of Cronus sneering at him as to why he had to lug Eridan’s ungrateful ass there and back again.

He jogged out to the field and sat down in his squad. He was the first one, behind him being the beautiful Miss Jade Harley. She was really sweet and pretty, and liked Eridan as… Not really an acquaintance but someone to talk to.

“Hey, Eri! How’re you doing?” Jade asked, smiling wide. Eridan turned around, tucking his arms under his legs, and smiled awkwardly at her.

“I’m okay. You?” He replied. His eyes felt heavy, and he yawned. “Sorry, didn’t get enough sleep.”

“Me either, actually.” She grinned. “I’m pretty good. You going to the football game tonight?” Jade was the only girl on the football team, and a damn good player at that.

“I don’t have anyone to go with, and it depends on homework and stuff.” Eridan said. As he looked into her bright eyes, she kept glancing down. He crossed his arms quickly and gave a false smile.

Jade’s smile fell. “You feeling alright, Eri?” She asked, concerned.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” He lied.

“Sure you are.” She said, looking suspiciously at him. And so, class started.

They were jogging today, and Eridan lagged behind so as to prevent anyone from seeing the stuff. However, at the end of class, Jade caught up to him before he went into the locker room.

“Tell me what’s wrong, please.” She said, obviously disheveled and scared. “I won’t tell anyone.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Eridan said. And with that, he turned and entered the boy’s locker room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate every single comment. Feel free to send one~ I will always respond!


	2. Isolated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hums the filler song*

Eridan sat at an empty table at lunch, pulling a brown paper bag out of his backpack. He used to sit at Table 8 with Sollux and Feferi before they exiled him, and now he roamed around to different tables, trying to make a friend to talk with.

He dumped his lunch out, seeing the wonderful array of food that Cronus had packed for him the night before: A half-eaten sandwich, an energy drink, and a warm can of tuna. The sandwich was warm and smashed by the energy drink, and the tuna was inedible. He popped the top off the drink and slurped it up, feeling the warm liquid slop down his throat. Disgusting.

He shook his head and threw away the rest of the lunch, slumping over and and watching the lunchroom bustle about. At the table across from him was the hipster table, lead by a white-haired boy with a red beanie. They were all dressed in plaids and older fashions, scarves draped over their shoulders and talking about some game.

The table to his right was the jocks, discussing the football match that would be that afternoon, figuring out their play pattern. To his left, the band geeks, chatting about a retreat they were going on. There was even the loser group kitty corner to him. He got up and slung his backpack around a shoulder, approaching them.

“Hey, can I sit here?” He asked Tavros Nitram, the ‘leader’.

“Uhh,” Tavros looked him over and then at the other members of the group and shrugged.

Eridan blushed, folding his fins in embarrassment. “It- it’s okay if you don’t want me to. I don’t mind.” He stepped back. Another member shook her head softly, glaring at Eridan. A third gave a shake of the head. “I can go if you want. It’s okay.”

“You sure?” Tavros asked. “There’s room at the end there.” He pointed at the other end of the table.

“It’s okay. I can go.”

“Y-you don’t have to. If you want.” Tavros replied.

“No, no, it’s fine.” Eridan said, looking away and preparing to walk back to his seat.

“You sure?”

“Yeah.” Eridan went back to his seat and took out some paper out, doodling on it, occasionally glancing back and forth from the paper to the group, who were looking at him with glares. Tavros had an honest look of confusion on his face. They all looked so… disappointed with him, and he didn’t understand why. He didn’t know what he did to earn their disapproval. It just felt so unfair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate every single comment. Feel free to send one~ I will always respond!


	3. Relapse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some heavy stuff up ahead. Major trigger warning.
> 
> 12/25/14 Update: Hey, I messed up on Sollux's typing quirk! yay...

Eridan sat outside the school, waiting for Cronus to come pick him up. He wanted to bike back and forth instead of having to wait for his stupid brother, but his bike was broken and they didn’t have the money to fix it. And by they, that meant Eridan. Cronus had lots of money, not all of it obtained legally, but he didn’t see that fixing Eridan’s bike had value. Out of courtesy, Cronus tried to repair it himself, but it just made the problem bigger.

The sky started to cloud up, and Eridan pulled out his phone, calling Cro.

“I’ll be there in a minute, little man.” Cronus said through a mouthful of something. “Hang onto your panties.”

“Alright.” Eridan said. “See ya.” He hung up, stuffing his phone back into his pocket. He gazed out onto the field, seeing the kids from track and football jog their way down the sidewalk. It was sort of fun to watch them, trying to spot those he recognized. Of course, Jade was in the crowd, along with a nice girl named Kanaya Maryam who was in his Biology class, running for track. A big blonde sophomore ran past Jade; Dirkland Strider, one of the other football players.

A broken-down iris Volkswagen Beetle pulled up, and Eridan ran over and hopped in the backseat. Cronus’ friend Mituna was in the shotgun seat, munching on some chips.

“How was school?” Cronus asked, pulling out of the parking lot and turning down the radio.

“It was okay. Nothing special.” Eridan said, staring out the window at the jogging jocks.

“One of your teachers called me again. They’re riding my ass about your grades.” Cronus said, turning a corner. “They’re also complaining about you not eating. You not eating your lunch?”

“No, I am, I am…” Eridan mumbled. He propped his head on his arm and stared out the window. “It’s not particularly good, though.” He looked at Mituna popping the potato chips in his mouth. “Hey, Cappy, gimme some of that.” Eridan stuck his hand out right by Mituna.

“Jeeth, mannerth much?” Mituna laughed, rolling his eyes and dumping some chips into Eridan’s hand.

“Thanks,” he said, eating a few. “Now this is food I’ll eat at lunch.”  
Cronus took a glance at the bag, taking a mental note of the name. “I’ll pick up a bag on my next grocery run, alright?”

Eridan smiled. “Thanks!” He stuck out his hand for more, and Mituna deposited some.

A few minutes later, Cronus stopped at their house. “Hey,” Cronus said. “Me and ‘tuna are going out.” He shelled out some money and dropped it in Eridan’s hand. “Get some pizza for yourself. We’ll be back around 10 or something. Don’t have any friends over, don’t burn the house down, and don’t go in my room.”

He nodded, and got out of the car. Almost immediately Cronus backed out and zoomed away, leaving Eridan home alone for the next six hours.

Eridan went inside, dashing over to his bedroom and plopping on his bed, which he had not bothered to make that day. He opened up his laptop and searched for a pizza place online to order from, then realized the house was too hot for wearing a hoodie and pulled it off.

He ordered a pizza, some chicken wings, and a 2-liter of root beer, then decided to surf the internet for awhile. It’s not like he cared about doing homework. It never mattered. He went on his e-mail - no new messages - and gazed down at his opened messages.

 

 

> From: [caligulasaquarium@trollian.com](mailto:caligulasaquarium@trollian.com)
> 
> To: [twinarmageddons@trollain.com](mailto:twinarmageddons@trollain.com); [cuttlefishculler@trollian.com](mailto:cuttlefishculler@trollian.com)
> 
> Subject: Hey.
> 
>  
> 
> wwhat’s up wwith you guys? i havven’t seen you in awwhile.
> 
> * * *
> 
>  
> 
> From: [twinarmageddons@trollian.com](mailto:twinarmageddons@trollian.com)
> 
> To: [caligulasaquarium@trollian.com](mailto:caligulasaquarium@trollian.com)
> 
> RE: Hey
> 
>  
> 
> long 2tory
> 
> * * *
> 
>  
> 
> From: [caligulasaquarium@trollian.com](mailto:caligulasaquarium@trollian.com)
> 
> To: [twinarmageddons@trollian.com](mailto:twinarmageddons@trollian.com)
> 
> RE: Hey
> 
>  
> 
> i havve time.
> 
> * * *
> 
>  
> 
> From: [twinarmageddons@trollian.com](mailto:twinarmageddons@trollian.com)
> 
> To: [caligulasaquarium@trollian.com](mailto:caligulasaquarium@trollian.com)
> 
> RE: Hey
> 
>  
> 
> don’t want two talk about iit riight now.
> 
> * * *
> 
>  
> 
> From: [caligulasaquarium@trollian.com](mailto:caligulasaquarium@trollian.com)
> 
> To: [twinarmageddons@trollian.com](mailto:twinarmageddons@trollian.com)
> 
> RE: Hey
> 
>  
> 
> can you tell me tomorroww, then?
> 
> * * *
> 
>  
> 
> From: [twinarmageddons@trollian.com](mailto:twinarmageddons@trollian.com)
> 
> To: [caligulasaquarium@trollian.com](mailto:caligulasaquarium@trollian.com)
> 
> RE: Hey
> 
>  
> 
> fiine.
> 
> * * *
> 
>  
> 
> From: [caligulasaquarium@trollian.com](mailto:caligulasaquarium@trollian.com)
> 
> To: [twinarmageddons@trollian.com](mailto:twinarmageddons@trollian.com)
> 
> RE: Hey
> 
>  
> 
> but wwhy can’t you tell me right noww?
> 
> * * *
> 
>  
> 
> From: [twinarmageddons@trollian.com](mailto:twinarmageddons@trollian.com)
> 
> To: [caligulasaquarium@trollian.com](mailto:caligulasaquarium@trollian.com)
> 
> RE: Hey
> 
>  
> 
> iif you’re goiing two keep pesteriing me liike thiis, then do iit on fuckiing iim iinstead of cloggiing up my emaiil. ii don’t want two talk two you anymore.
> 
> * * *
> 
>  
> 
> From: [caligulasaquarium@trollian.com](mailto:caligulasaquarium@trollian.com)
> 
> To: [twinarmageddons@trollian.com](mailto:twinarmageddons@trollian.com)
> 
> RE: Hey
> 
>  
> 
> are you serious?
> 
> * * *
> 
>  
> 
> From: [twinarmageddons@trollian.com](mailto:twinarmageddons@trollian.com)
> 
> To: [caligulasaquarium@trollian.com](mailto:caligulasaquarium@trollian.com)
> 
> RE: Hey
> 
>  
> 
> ye2 ii’m fuckiing 2eriiou2. 2top me22agiing me.

 

Eridan didn’t respond to that message, which he had received at least a month ago. He couldn’t, as Sollux had blocked him on e-mail. Why Eridan hadn’t IM’d him on Pesterchum was never answered.

He opened up a Pesterchum tab, longing for attention, and clicked on Sollux’s account, and began messaging him.

 

 

> caligulasAquarium [CA] began pestering twinArmageddons [TA]
> 
> CA: hey sol
> 
> CA: you here?
> 
> CA: sooool
> 
> twinArmageddons [TA] joined chat
> 
> TA: ii thought ii told you two fuck off
> 
> CA: dude i’m just tryin to talk
> 
> TA: 2top me22agiing me.
> 
> CA: wwhat did i evven do?
> 
> TA: dude ii don’t want two talk two you
> 
> CA: wwhy?
> 
> TA: you know why
> 
> CA: no, i don’t.
> 
> TA: ugh, do ii have two 2pell iit out for your iincompetant a22? you’re a whiiny priick wiith no 2en2e of 2pace for other2. you’re alway2 expectiing to be liiked and when you don’t, you try two get other2 two piity you. iit’2 annoyiing beyond all beliief! on top of that, you guiilt-triip me and fef and then act all dumbfounded when we’re pii22ed.

 

Eridan’s throat began to close up as he read this.

 

 

> TA: you act liike you’re all that and a bag of chiip2 and then biitch about your iimperfectiion2, bliind to the 2creamiingly obviious flaw of not beiing able to leave anyone alone. ii have a liife outsiide of plea2iing you and your every whiiim.
> 
> TA: ii don’t liike you.
> 
> TA: ii never have.

 

Eridan felt as if his heart stopped as he read this. All airways felt closed up and his only choice of actions were extremely labored breathing and crying.

 

 

> TA: the only reason ii talked two you iin the fiir2t place iis because ii felt 2orry for you and ii thought that you ju2t needed a friiend.
> 
> TA: ii know why you never had any other friiend2: becau2e you’re two pathetiic two keep them.
> 
> TA: fuck off
> 
> twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]

 

The rest of the night didn’t happen for Eridan. His state of mind caused him to sludge through it, and his brother found him late that night laying in the empty bathtub, a towel over his thighs and without his shirt, holding a razor in his right hand. His left was scarred in violet blood. He was whimpering softly, crying and begging for something incomprehensible.

“Oh, not again,” Cronus muttered, gently taking the razor out of his hand and setting it aside. “It’ll be okay. Quiet down.” He took out some bandages and antibiotics, cleaning away the blood and the cuts. He doused a rag in some hydrogen peroxide and said, “This is going to sting.” He applied it to Eridan’s arm, then put the antibiotics over it, and finally wrapped his arm in bandages.

Crying, Eridan tilted his head towards his brother’s, trying to say something. Cronus couldn’t understand him. Instead, he took the towel off Eridan and saw the numerous parallel cuts on his upper thigh, hidden in part by his boxers. Cronus applied the same thing, and then, after putting everything away, picked up Eridan and carried him over to his bedroom, placing the kid down on the bed.

“Shh, it’s going to be okay.” Cronus said, laying a blanket over his baby brother. He sat next to him and rubbed Eridan’s back. “It’s all okay…” He noticed a glowing light out of the corner of his eye, seeing that Eridan’s computer was still on.

Cronus took the computer and opened it up. Eridan immediately bolted up and screamed, “Don’t touch that!” He lashed out and smacked Cronus across the face, trying to grab at the computer. Cronus held a hand to Eridan’s face and saw the open tabs. The name of his best friend’s little brother caught his eye before Eridan kicked the laptop out of Cronus’ hands.

“Stop touching my stuff, you dick!” Eridan cried, hitting and kicking his brother. Tears streamed down his pale face. Cronus grabbed his hands.

“Go to sleep. Please. I won’t touch anything.” He promised, trying to calm down Eridan. The kid sniffed and fell back on the pillow, out of energy. His chest heaved. Cronus laid down next to him and asked, “Would you like me to rub your back?”

Eridan nodded a bit, giving another sniffle. Cronus began to rub his back with a fist and whispered, “It’s going to be okay. It’ll all be fine. Don’t worry. Don’t worry…” And with that, Eridan was asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a release of feelings, based heavily upon my own personal experiences.  
> Also I cannot type Sollux's godforsaken quirk for the life of me. Sorry if I got anything wrong.
> 
> I appreciate every single comment. Feel free to send one~ I will always respond!


	4. Silent

The night consisted of Eridan waking up at 3 in the morning, panicking and crying, and Cronus panicking himself when he felt his little brother writhe and squirm under his arm. When they both calmed down, they returned to slumber.

Eridan woke up at 7:21, quickly got dressed in a long-sleeve black shirt and shorts, and ran downstairs, backpack over his shoulder. Cronus was in the kitchen, eating a bowl of cereal and still in the clothes he wore the night before. He took one solemn look at his brother, then got up. He tossed Eridan a breakfast bar and walked out to the car.

They drove to school in silence. The younger staring out the window the entire way, the older taking quick nervous glances at him every so often.

Cronus pulled up outside the school, and Eridan left in silence. The look of crushing disappointment on the older sibling’s face tore Eridan up from the inside out. He felt as if he was going to throw up.

He went through his classes in a daze, nearly passing out from the shirt he was wearing. When Cronus picked him up, Mituna wasn’t in the shotgun seat as always, and he didn’t take Eridan directly home.

Eridan didn’t question why they weren’t going home, and Cronus didn’t explain, either. After ten minutes of driving and a three minute escort to an office, Eridan learned Cronus had taken him to a social worker. Psychologist. Therapist. Whichever fit the most. Either way, it was expensive and should’ve made Eridan feel better.

There was no bed to lay on, instead a couch that Eridan nearly sunk into. The doctor just said “Call me Dr. M.” while she told him about the goals they had to achieve. “Your - brother, was it? - wants you to control these masochistic urges of yours. It’s unhealthy, and he’s hurt by it. Do you understand what I mean, Mr. Ampora?”

“I don’t do it for sexual pleasure.” Eridan said, frowning slightly. He was shaking on the inside, breathing shakily.

She noted this on her clipboard. “Then why do you do it?”

He paused, then- “I don’t know.”

“You must have a reason, Mr. Ampora.” Dr. M said. “Don’t be afraid. Everything that’s said in here is confidential. I will not tell anyone, and you are obliged to, as well.”

“I don’t know,” he repeated.

Dr. M wrote it on her clipboard. “What is your thought process up until you self-injure?”

Eridan sighed, collecting his thoughts. “I don’t know.”

It kept going on, until Dr. M asked, “Who are your friends?”

He looked away. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Does- not- have- any- friends…” She mumbled, writing it down.

Eridan flushed violet. “I didn’t say that!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate every single comment. Feel free to send one~ I will always respond!


	5. Whisper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Major trigger warning ahead.

Eridan dreamed that night.

He wasn’t sure what it was about, besides seeing his old friend’s faces. They were slipping away from him, and he then landed in school, wearing layers and layers of clothes, eyes burning into his skin. Everyone was staring at him with stares a thousand miles away.

He woke up in a flash, sweating and panting. He threw off the blankets from his bed and bolted upright, heart pounding.

_Make the pain go away, listen to me. Make it all go away._

Needing to shake it all away, he got up and paced around, running his fingers over his books. Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, The Call of Cthulhu… Nothing that could help at the moment. He grabbed his laptop and opened it, typing in his password and opening up Trollian.

Feferi was online.

* * *

 

> caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]
> 
> CA: fef
> 
> CA: fef you there

* * *

 

His heart pounded. He was scared, to say the least. The dream had shaken him up, as well as the voice in his head. Whoever it was, he didn’t care. All he needed was... Something. Something to ease the pain. To make him feel better.

* * *

 

> CC: -Eridan, it’s really late. W)(y are you up at this ungodly )(our?
> 
> CA: fef i can’t take it
> 
> CA: i need help
> 
> CC: W)(at are you talking about?
> 
> CA: i’m scared, fef
> 
> CA: i can’t do this
> 
> CC: -Explain.
> 
> CA: i can’t
> 
> CC: Then I can’t )(elp you.
> 
> CC: Fuck off.
> 
> cuttlefishCuller [CC] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium

* * *

 

_Make the pain go away, listen to me. Make the pain go away._

It’s as if Eridan could feel the popping of the voice’s lips, the exact moment when they touched, the air over its teeth.

It got louder.

_Eridan, you need to make the pain go away. Distract yourself, and it’ll all be better._

He nodded, more to himself than to anything else. It called to him.

_It’ll be all okay, Eridan. Just listen to me, and it’s okay._

He got to the bathroom.

_There… Almost there…_

The razor was there, where Cronus left it.

_You can do it. I believe in you._

Cronus found Eridan lying in the bathtub that morning, new gashes across his thighs and arms. He did not say a word to his brother that morning. Instead, just staring at the lump of waste that was Eridan Ampora.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, writing at midnight because I can't sleep. :B
> 
> I appreciate every single comment. Feel free to send one~ I will always respond!


	6. Empathy

“What happened?” Jade asked that day in gym class. She looked down at Eridan’s bandaged-up arm.

“Fell out of a tree. It’s nothing.” Eridan lied, looking away. “It- it broke under me, and I scraped my arm on one of the branches as I fell. It’s fine.”

“Oh my. Why were you climbing the tree in the first place?” Jade asked, touching the top of Eridan’s arm gingerly.

He shrugged. “I was bored.” He said, making it up on the spot.

She looked into his eyes and frowned. “You sure?” Jade asked.

“What are you getting at?” Eridan asked, getting defensive. He put on a more aggressive tone, trying to get Jade to stop.

She sat closer to him, checked to see if anyone was watching, and then stuck out her arms for him to see. “I know how it feels, Eridan.” She said. Dark rings lined her arms. “Don’t be afraid to tell me the truth.”

“Jade, stop.” Eridan demanded, moving away from her. His throat began to close up. “It’s nothing, I promise!”

“Can I just-”

 _“Stop.”_ Eridan repeated. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

“Just one-”

 _“Jade!”_ He yelled.

She seized up and backed away. “I’m sorry. I should respect your space.” Jade apologized. “I understand how-”

“ _No you don’t!_ You don’t understand!” Eridan yelled. “Stop acting like you do, because you don’t! _Just- stop!_ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually fell out of a dead tree and cut one of my hands open. Took three months to heal.
> 
> I appreciate every single comment. Feel free to send one~ I will always respond!


	7. Leave

Cronus couldn't trust Eridan home alone anymore, but that day, he had social obligations to attend to with Mituna and Latula. They said it was okay to drag his brother along, and so he did.

"I don't know why you can't just leave me be." Eridan grumbled as Cronus pulled up in Mituna's driveway. "I can handle myself."

"I can't trust you anymore. It's for your own good, big tuna." Cronus said. He parked the car and got out with Eridan, knocking on his friend's door. Some tussling could be heard on the other side right before the door swung open, with Latula Pyrope's smiling face greeting Cronus while Mituna Captor grabbed her around the midsection. Eridan assumed they fought over who got to open the door. It was kind of sweet, in a way.

They were let in the house and Mituna told Eridan that Sollux was in his bedroom. Eridan knew where that was. He knew the Captor house all too well. Deciding to try to strike up a conversation with Sol to pass the time, hoping he wouldn't be angry at Eri for whatever reason, he went upstairs to Sollux's room.

He turned the wooden knob and creaked the door open. Sollux was at his computer while Feferi was sitting on his lap, passionately kissing him on the cheek. It was an odd sight, to say the least. How could he even  _work_ in such a position?

"Erm, hello?" Eridan said quietly. No response. He raised his voice, knocking on the open door with the back of his hand. "Sol, Fef, hello..."

Feferi raised her head, looking at him, while Sollux gave a disgruntled noise of disgust in his throat. "What are  _you_ doing here?" Feferi asked.

"My brother is here..." He responded.

"Bullshit," Sollux interjected, turning the swivel chair to face Eridan. It was both odd and amusing to see Feferi hang on around Sollux' neck while he spun around. "Your brother is  _always_ here and he's never brought along you before."

"This time he did." Eridan said quietly, averting his eyes from theirs.

"What possible reason could there be to bring you here? You not get a babysitter?" Sollux asked, not amused.

Eridan stuffed his hands in his hoodie pocket. How he wished he could go back to wearing a t-shirt without fear of hating himself. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Whatever. Can- can you just- Just get out." Sollux said. "I don't care what your excuse is for being here. Just go stay with your brother. I don't want to see you anymore."

"But why?" Eridan asked. "I'll leave if you answer me."

" _I don't want to talk about it,"_ Sollux mocked him. "Get out."

"But-"

"He said get out." Feferi said.

"I-"

Feferi got off of Sollux and shut the door on Eridan.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing about Mituna and Latula makes my brain hurt because their names are so similar.
> 
> Also fun fact: When I first started learning about all about Homestuck, I kept thinking Meenah's name was swapped with Mituna's. Because, y'know, tuna. Fish 'n stuff. And the first troll's name I learned was Eridan. Who would've thought he'd end up being my favorite?
> 
> I appreciate every single comment. Feel free to send one~ I will always respond!


	8. Favor

Eridan sat down with his brother and the two other adults, all crowded around a television, playing video games. Rather, Cronus was playing while Latula helped Mituna with the game.

"Go upstairs," Cronus said, nudging Eridan with his foot while keeping eyes glued onto the screen.

"I can't." Eridan mumbled. "They don't want me up-"

 _"Fuck this!"_ Mituna screamed, flailing his arms and throwing the XBox controller onto the ground.

"They don't want me upstairs," Eridan finished. "Look, can I just walk home or something?"

Cronus shook his head. "You wanna play?" He offered instead. Eridan looked at the game. It was some sort of Mortal Kombat ripoff. Eridan shook his head and tucked his legs to his chest, watching the group of friends play video games with each other. Looking up at them, he could see his past group of friends in them. Maybe because two of them were related to Eridan and a friend, or maybe the chemistry was just right.

But if that were true, why didn't Mituna and Latula exile Cronus for some stupid reason? Why did it only happen to Eridan?

Mituna became increasingly frustrated and started punching the couch. Cronus put a hand on Mituna's shoulder and told him to calm down, helping his friend out of the fit, and Eridan understood why.

Friends should be supportive, and Eridan was never a supportive friend.

He remembered when Sol was in a tight spot. Something about not having a ride home from school. Cronus was coming to pick Eridan up, yet he never offered to have his brother drive his friend home.

No, that didn't make sense. Sollux wasn't pissed because of that. He didn't seem to mind. And yet, there was an incident a few weeks before he was exiled. Eridan was disheveled, crying over an upcoming test. He begged Sollux for help, even after Sollux said no. He kept asking and asking, and finally Sollux gave in.

But that didn't explain Feferi's distancing from him.

He looked up at Mituna after another fit. Maybe he could ask him.

A bit later, Mituna finally gave his controller to Latula, and Eridan tried to initiate a conversation.

"Hey, erm, can I ask you something?" Eridan asked, sitting next to Mituna.

"Sure, yeah, fine." He responded.

Taking a deep breath, Eridan asked, "Why does Sollux hate me?"

"I 'unno." Mituna said, slurring the words. "Ask 'em."

"He doesn't want to talk to me. Could you ask him yourself? I mean, if that isn't too much for you." Eridan said.

"I 'unno." Mituna repeated. He gave Eridan a blank stare under his helmet.

Latula interjected, saying, "I'll ask him for you. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, that'd be awesome." Eridan said. "Thanks, Ms. Pyrope."

"No problem, dude!" She tussled Eridan's hair and grinned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate every single comment. Feel free to send one~ I will always respond!


	9. Midnight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW warning for heavily-implied sexual activity.

It seemed like the night at the Captor house wouldn't end. At one point, Eridan had fallen asleep on the couch, woken only by the sound of a bullhorn. He sat up, snorting loudly, and realized he was in the midst of a drunken house party. He didn't question it. Instead, he got up to check what time it was.

Friends of Mituna, Cronus, and Latula were partying, half-drunk with red plastic cups in their hands, getting sweet on their loves, eating whatever they could find in the pantry, or throwing up. Rave lights were hung up, making the entire place hard to see. Eridan barely recognized where he was.

He took a step into the living room, feeling his sock well up with liquid. " _Eurgh!_ " He gagged. "Gross." He walked past, bile building up in his throat.

Someone had dragged a keg in, as Eridan had passed two people drinking directly from the tap together.

"Want some?" Someone asked, holding a cup to him. She was obviously intoxicated, shown by her swaying from side to side. Eridan politely declined and instead asked for the time. She took out her phone and laughed, "4:20! Heh heh!" Eridan looked at the phone. 1:43 am. Great.

He thanked her and walked off, trying to find Cronus. There seemed to be more people now. Either that, or the bulk of them were in the room he had just entered. Quickly, Eridan ducked into the quiet laundry room and sighed. He hid among the clothes and shut his heavy eyes, dozing off.

* * *

A short period later, he woke up by the sound of soft voices nearby. He looked out and saw two people together, passionately making love. The clothes leading up to them... An array of lime greens and cyans, a pair of tyrian purple glasses, two feet away from a red and blue pair... Add the pleasured cryings of " _Oh, Sollux!"_ and Eridan knew exactly what was happening. _  
_

He felt as if he was going to explode. It should've been him. It should've! Or he should've been the one hearing about it the next day from Sol, bragging about how he got the nice bubble booty from the fish queen.

Eridan wanted to leave, but his exit was in the line of sight of at least one of them. Whoever was on the bottom. He couldn't see it that well, but in all honesty, he didn't care. He just wanted- Well, he didn't know what he wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate every single comment. Feel free to send one~ I will always respond!


	10. Socialite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, back to filler chapters! *sarcasm dance*

Eridan had gotten home around 5 in the morning. When he and Cronus realized it was a weekday, Cronus said he could call Eridan in and not have to go to school...

"...If your grades didn't suck." Cronus said. Eridan groaned. "You need education. My stupidity shouldn't make you stupid."

"Told you I should've gone home." Eridan smirked. Cronus shook his head and drove the kid to school.

During the school day, he sought out Sollux and Feferi. The two were always arm-in-arm, smiling at each other, both with a severe bedhead. Sollux would sneak the occasional kiss on the cheek.

Someone sighed, and Eridan turned his head. Aradia Megido, another girl in his grade, had appeared next to him. "You like him too, huh?" She asked.

"When did you get here?" Eridan asked, puzzled.

"Just now." She grinned weirdly. What a weirdo. "So, you have a crush on Sollux, too?"

Blushing furiously, Eridan let out a loud "Ew, no!", which caused Aradia to laugh and all the surrounding people to look at him. He lowered his voice. "I mean, no, I don't. Though, he i- was a good friend of mine..."

"Yeah, I noticed that. What happened?" Aradia asked.

"Dunno. I want to know." He said.

She nodded. "Yeah, you guys were great friends." She swung her backpack over her shoulder. "Well, I gotta get going."

"Hey, wait." He said.

"Hm?"

"When's your lunch period? I- um... I don't have anyone to sit with." Eridan said.

"Fifth." She said.

"Same as mine! Do you mind-"

"Not at all. I'm at Table 12." With a grin, Aradia turned around and walked off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate every single comment. Feel free to send one~ I will always respond!


	11. Off

Taking Aradia up on her word, Eridan wound his way to her table at lunch that day. She was alone, eating a sandwich and staring at the other students.

"May I sit here?" Eridan asked. Aradia nodded, and Eridan sat down next to her, taking out his lunch. "It's really nice that you're doing this and all. It means a lot to me."

"It's no big deal, really." She said. "It's lonely being here on my own. Kinda sucks since my friends went to a different high school and I don't really have the motivation to make new ones, but life goes on." She sighed. "Life goes on..."

Eridan nodded and took out his food, ripping into a mozzarella stick. Aradia went on. "Not just with friends. With everything."

"Are you trying to tell me something?" He asked, suspicious.

"I did tell you something just now." Both Aradia and Eridan erupted into laughter. Pieces of cheese shot out of Eridan's nose. "Ew, gross!" Aradia yelled, laughing. Eridan laughed and wiped his face.

After the laughing, Eridan said, "In retrospect, it wasn't really  _that_ funny."

"Heh heh, yeah, it wasn't." She said, smiling and chuckling quietly. Her face flushed a rusted red as she looked up at him.

"Eh heh... So... What's new with you?" He asked, putting his head on a hand, looking at her.

She popped open a bag of chips and looked up at him. "Eh, nuffink." Aradia said, food dabbling out of her mouth. "I've been playin' this cool game lately."

"Oh, what's it called?" Eridan asked.

"This one RPG called OFF. It's really good 'n stuff." Aradia said. She ate a chip, then offered to tell Eridan what it was about. And so, "So you're this one baseball player and you wanna play your game and whatever and the field is haunted or something so you have to start a Pokemon battle and fight some ghosts and..." She started rambling on about the plot, which interested Eridan.

"Here, gimme your laptop. I can download it for you." She offered. He gave it to her and she logged in, downloading the game.

Eridan grinned and hugged her. "Thanks, Arrie."

"It's nothing." She smiled, squeezing him and smiling wider.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Main reason I made Eridan call Aradia "Arrie" is that I have a character in a book I'm trying to write have her nickname as Arrie. :B  
> Also OFF is a great game. It's free and REALLY GOOD. Google "Mortis Ghost OFF Download" and you'll find it. It's in French and English. Real good game, real good...
> 
> I appreciate every single comment. Feel free to send one~ I will always respond!


	12. Invitation

Eridan sat outside the school, plopping his backpack down on the ground and opening up his phone. Cronus should've been here, but Eridan knew he forgot on some days, or was running late from whatever he was doing. Eridan didn't dare try to contact his eldest brother, Orph, for reasons he would not disclose to anyone.

"Hey," Aradia said, sitting down next to him. "What'cha doin'?"

"Calling my brother. Nothing much." Eridan mumbled, selecting Cronus' name from his phone and calling him.

"You doing anything tonight?" Aradia asked. "Because if you're not, I kinda wanted you to come over or something." She gave a wide smile.

"Yeah, I'm free!" Eridan said. His eyes went bright, and Cronus picked up.

"Yeah?" He asked from the other end.

"You don't need to pick me up today. I'm going over my friend's house." Eridan said, grinning.

"Yeah? Who?"

"Aradia. She said it was okay if I came over."

"Oh, the Megido girl?" Cronus asked. "Heh, I buy weed from her sister. Sometimes it turns out just to be oregano, though. She owes me a  _lot_ of-"

"Okay, I get it." Eridan said, and hung up. "So, how are we getting to your place?"

Aradia responded with, "My sister is picking me up. She should be here soon."

"Alright." Eridan grinned. It felt so nice... So nice to be invited to a friend's house for the first time in what seemed like forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate every single comment. Feel free to send one~ I will always respond!


	13. Bliss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, writing at midnight again! :B

"Welcome to Casa De La Megido!" Aradia announced, swinging the door open to her house. The two stepped inside the nice house, adorned with oil paintings and rather nice furniture. A china jug with flowers etched into it was situated as decor in the living room, adding a nice accent. "Come on, my room is upstairs." She led Eridan up to her bedroom.

The room was rather small, but cozy. The unmade bed had a feathery white comforter crumpled on top, with two pillows on the ground. Across from the bed was a television on the wall, hooked up to a video game console. Games and two controllers were strewn around a box that was labeled "Games", yet no actual games were inside.

"It's not much, but I don't know what you were expecting." Aradia said quietly. She sat down on her bed, patting the place next to her. He sat down.

"Don't apologize. It's okay." Eridan said. "My house is kinda shitty. Yours is really pretty!" He said, grinning.

"Oh, stop." She laughed, snorting a bit. "So, you wanna watch TV or something?"

"Sure," Eridan replied. Aradia picked up a controller and turned on Netflix.

"Is  _Soul Eater_ okay? It's a good show. I think you'll like it." Aradia said. She hovered over the first episode as Eridan read the description.

It sounded interesting, so Eridan nodded. "Yeah, I'm up for it."

"Alright." She pressed play, and the first episode started.

The two were laying down on their bellies as they watched. It was an interesting show with a really nice premise, and Eridan enjoyed it wholeheartedly. However, he felt Aradia kept scooting closer to him, and by the end, he was leaning half off the bed. Finally, with a last nudge, he fell off onto the pillows.

Aradia laughed at him as he grinned nervously, seeing as it was on purpose. He stood up and pulled the comforter up from underneath her, causing her to fall off the other end of the bed.

"Oh, you wanna go, Ampora?" Aradia asked, laughing. She threw a pillow at him, causing a play-fight to ensue. By the end, the two were lying on their backs, facing the ceiling as the feathers settled.

Eridan smiled as Aradia sighed and laid her head against him and put her closest hand on his. His face flushed violet as she said, "That was stupid," and laughed.

"Yeah, it was." He smiled.

It felt so nice to finally have a friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate every single comment. Feel free to send one~ I will always respond!


	14. True

Their friendship strengthened, to a point where it rivaled Eridan's past friendship with Sollux and Feferi. It just felt so refreshing, so nice, so... perfect. It was too good to be true, but it  _was_ true.

Eridan finally wanted to go to school after so long of refusing to go, yelling at Cronus that he didn't want to. Now, he woke up early and texted Aradia up until he saw her at school, and they would hang out at every single moment between classes, share lunches when their family packed them something less than satisfactory, and go to Casa De La Megido (Eridan kept up the name as a sort of joke) and consume bags of Cheetoes and boxes of Pop Tarts and squeeze-pouches of Capri Suns.

They beat Portal 2 Co-Op together, kicked each other's asses in Mortal Kombat, took turns piloting a Fallout 3 character they christened "Assbutt" and had a  _Harry Potter_ marathon over a weekend. Eridan introduced the series to Aradia and she enjoyed it wholeheartedly, even checking out the full series from the library and blazing through the first few books in a couple days and currently on  _Goblet of Fire._

"Sometimes I think the books are better than the movies, but then the spectacle of the movies can really impress." Eridan said. They were laying on Aradia's bed, re-watching  _Prisoner of Azkaban._ Harry, Ron, and Hermione were standing on the hill overlooking Hagrid's hut as Buckbeak was executed. "I mean, I think  _Azkaban_ was the best book but the weakest movie. They left a lot out."

"They do that sometimes in adaptions. Sometimes they completely rape the source material." Aradia claimed. "Either in a bad or a good way. Ever seen  _How To Train Your Dragon?_ Dreamworks did wonders on the book." She made a grumbling noise in her throat. "The book  _suuuuuuuucked."_

 _"_ Never read it. And I guess if it's bad, I won't." Eridan said, laughing at Aradia's reaction to the seemingly-atrocious disgrace of literature. "Oh, you know what book should be made into a movie?"

She looked up at him, giving a  _Hmm?_

" _Sphere_ by Michael Crichton. Not sure if there's already a movie version, but there should be a new one with all new technology. It is excellent, with beautiful imagery and a plot that I could not get enough of!" Eridan sang, praising the ever-loving hell out of the book. "The only reasons I put it down was to pee and to get in the car. Cro and I were at the DMV and I found the book in Orph's old school books so I read it there."

"Orph?" Aradia asked, confused.

"My oldest brother." Eridan said. "He's not home most of the time."

"Probably why I haven't seen him." She said. "But yeah, I'll check it out."

"You can borrow my copy if you'd like." Eridan offered. "It's at home. I can bring it to school tomorrow or something for you."

"I guess I'm gonna have to finish your precious  _Harry Potter_ tonight so I can read this new book. You're piling too much on me, Ampora!" She giggled, shoving him off the bed. He laughed and tackled her, falling into her puffy hair and throwing her around. It felt so nice and warming.

To put it simply, he was happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sphere is my favorite book at the moment, just saying. It's excellent.
> 
> I appreciate every single comment. Feel free to send one~ I will always respond!


	15. Joy

"Alright, what's tonight's movie gonna be?" Aradia asked. It was around two or three weeks later. She held up three movies.

"Um, this one." Eridan said, picking  _Pacific Rim_. "It looks cool."

Aradia popped the disc into her XBox and the film started playing. Eridan  _adored_ it.

Later in the film, a rather sad scene came on, depicting the young version of the deuteroganist walking through the streets, sobbing and calling for her mother. Aradia leaned onto Eridan's shoulder and he wrapped his arm around her. She sat next to him more comfortably and smiled, sniffling.

"Such beautiful cinematography," he said, looking at her. "Don't you think?" Aradia nodded and smiled wide at the television.

And the ending... The main characters "boop-ing" their foreheads together. Aradia looked away. Eridan tucked her closer and sighed, patting her hair and comforting her. What a sweet and sensitive young woman.

The credits began rolling.

"That was amazing." Eridan breathed.

"This is my fifth time seeing it," Aradia admitted it. "I'm glad you like it!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pacific Rim is my favorite movie. Go watch it. It's perfect.  
> Also lazy chapter here because I was watching Pacific Rim and yeah Mako feels she's adorable. <3
> 
> I appreciate every single comment. Feel free to send one~ I will always respond!


	16. Promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops this turned into a mess.
> 
> NSFW ahead.

"I still can't get over it." Aradia laughed, holding back tears. "That freaking movie... It's kind of cute if you think about it."

"Yeah," Eridan said. "Giant robots punching sea monsters is cute somehow." He looked over at her shining scarlet eyes. "Cute like you, dummy." He threw a pillow at her and she tackled him back, as they did a lot. They tussled a bit until Aradia trapped Eridan. She knelt over him, pinning his arms to the bed.

"Die, stupid kaiju! We're cancelling the apocalypse!" She said, and leaned down.

It seemed to happen in slow motion as she locked lips with Eridan. Eyes open wide, he was rather shocked and pleased by this. Aradia stopped, pulling her head up and looking into his eyes. She made a concerned look as she gave a "S-sorry."

His mouth twitched into a smile. "No, it's okay." He said and cupped her face. "I like it. I- um, I like you a lot, Arrie."

"You do?" She asked. It felt sudden, as if the words tumbled out of her mouth. "I-" She started giggling and nuzzled his cheek with hers, laying down on top of him. Eridan wrapped his newly-freed arms around her in a sort of hug, relishing in the moment. Aradia spoke now, finding her words. "I like you a lot, Eridan. A  _lot._ " It seemed so unnatural for her to say that, but he knew she meant it.

"This is really awkward." Eridan said.

"I'm sorry," Aradia said, getting up and tearing up. "I-"

"No no no, don't worry." He said, sitting up and taking her hands. "It was just the position. It was kinda like you were trying to have sex with me or something. Were you?" He laughed awkwardly, and it was infectious. She gave a loud chuckle, drooling a bit.

"What? No! 'Course not." She said.

"I'd be..." He lowered his voice. "...Okay with it." He looked away, touching his pointer fingers together and blushing. "Sorry."

"You would?" She asked. Eridan nodded, and she leaned closer to him.

"Have you ever done it before?" Eridan asked curiously. She shook her head, and he said, "Me neither. Do you... want to?"

She blushed and nodded. Eridan considered Aradia rather stunning when she blushed, as her blood color was quite beautiful.

He stood up. "And off come the pants!" He laughed, putting on a straight face and ripping off his pants. Aradia guffawed loudly, crying and falling on her back. Eridan jumped on the bed and tackled her to the bed. "C'mere, knucklehead!"

* * *

 

"You're still in that stupid hoodie." Aradia smiled. She was down to her bra and undies, yet Eridan refused to take off the hoodie.

"It's for... Personal reasons... I don't want to." He said, looking away. He kept his arms over his scar-ridden thighs.

"Do you wanna talk about it? I- I don't wanna push you! If I'm going too far, tell me." Aradia explained. "I mean tell me if I'm going too far, not tell me the personal thing." She giggled a bit, and Eridan laughed.

"Just don't tell anyone." Eridan said.

"I promise."

He inhaled, and pulled off his hoodie and tank top, showing Aradia the scars on his arms and thighs. "I hope you don't think less of me because of this."

She put her hand on his. "You're perfect, Eridan. Of course I wouldn't. You're my little sushi, and I don't want you to change. You're perfect." She repeated, leaning in and kissing him on the cheek. "Can you promise me just to not hurt yourself anymore, and to call me if you have any urges."

"I will." Eridan promised. "I swear."

"Good." She leaped up on him and into his arms, kissing him all over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate every single comment. Feel free to send one~ I will always respond!


	17. Adorkable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Incoming dummies.

Eridan's head was still fuzzy the next day. When he initially saw Aradia at school, he turned away, embarrassed. However, she ran up to him and gave him a big hug and a few pecks at the cheek. Whether she did it to get a reaction out of Sollux and Feferi, who were nearby, or because she genuinely had feelings for Eridan was beyond him. Though, since she was the one who initiated everything the night before, he had his answer.

As usual, they sat together at lunch, casually discussing the movie from the night before. Silence ensued once they exhausted all plotpoints, then Eridan decided to bring up the elephant in the room.

"I liked it. What we did. You know." He said, voice quivering a bit. He kept it low, as a few other people were at their table today.

"I did too." She whispered, leaning on his shoulder. "I really like you."

"Same with you." He pressed his cheek against hers, not minding her horns. He gave a weird face. "Are we technically dating now?"

"I dunno! Maybe! I mean, if you want." She admitted. She blushed hard, and Eridan couldn't resist squishing her cute little face.

"Are  _you_ okay with it?" He asked. Aradia nodded, and Eridan's heart nearly burst because she was just the perfect girl.

Screw Fef. Eridan found a  _real_ friend in Aradia. One who wouldn't abandon him for stupid reasons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate every single comment. Feel free to send one~ I will always respond!


	18. Repeat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shit chapter because i relapsed on cutting again so im in a shit mood  
> sorry its shit
> 
> trigger warning or whatever  
> idc

Eridan laid in bed one night, going through his e-mails. He hid under the covers, the glow of his laptop illuminating his face. All e-mails consisted of him and Aradia chatting about random nothings. It was sweet.

He came across an e-mail he nearly forgot about.

> _From: caligulasaquarium@trollian.com_
> 
> _To: twinarmageddons@trollian.com, cuttlefishculler@trollian.com_
> 
> _Subject: Hey_

He frowned. "Thought I deleted that shit." He mumbled, opening up the e-mail thread.

> _wwhat’s up wwith you guys? i havven’t seen you in awwhile._
> 
> _long 2tory_
> 
> _i havve time_

His blood felt like it was boiling. Sollux was such a dick.

> _iif you’re goiing two keep pesteriing me liike thiis, then do iit on fuckiing iim iinstead of cloggiing up my emaiil. ii don’t want two talk two you anymore._
> 
> _yes ii’m fuckiing seriious. stop messagiing me._

Eridan didn't even know what he did.

> _ii thought ii told you two fuck off_
> 
> _you’re a whiiny priick wiith no sense of space for others._
> 
> _the only reason ii talked two you iin the fiirst place iis because ii felt sorry for you and ii thought that you just needed a friiend._

He... He wasn't a true friend if he said those things to Eridan.

> _ii know why you never had any other friiends: because you’re two pathetiic two keep them._

Yeah, never a true friend.

Too pathetic to keep him.

...

Too pathetic to keep Sol and Fef.

He closed the lid of his laptop and curled up in a blanket burrito, shutting his eyes.  _Stupid Sollux! I- I can make friends! I know how to deal with these things._

His head felt heavy, as if a pair of hands were pushing down on the crown of his head and going through his skull.

The voice came back.

_Make the pain go away. You can do this._

Eridan rolled over, getting out of the blanket's grip.

_There you go._

He rolled off the bed, landing on his feet, stepping towards the bathroom.

_Almost there._

He saw his shaving razor on the counter.

_Make the pain go away._

He doubled over and retched into the toilet, feeling as if somebody scooped out the contents of his skull. His eyes rolled into his head as he started whimpering. Eridan's stomach did backflips as he emptied its contents into the john.

He shakily stood up and washed out his mouth, one hand on the handle of the blade. The light of the bathroom glimmered off the blade. He picked it up, then dropped it as he ran to his bed.

Falling on the cushions, he grabbed at his phone, dialing Aradia frantically.

"Eri?" She yawned. "What are you doing? It's midnight."

"Arrie, I-" he hiccuped. "I wanted- wanted t-t- I dunno..."

"Whoa whoa, calm down." Aradia said. "Shhh, calm down."

"I ca-  _hic_ -n't!" He whimpered.

"Hold your hands together." She instructed. "I'm doing it, too."

Eridan did as told, squeezing his hands. "I-I-I-I'm gonna pass out!" He dipped his head forward onto the bed, feeling his insides dance around.

He heard incoherent whispering on the other end, then, "Hang in there." Aradia said. More whispering.

The door of his room opened, and Cronus dashed in, putting his phone on the nightstand. He picked up his baby brother and checked Eridan's arms and legs. He was okay...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's shit
> 
> I appreciate every single comment. Feel free to send one~ I will always respond!


	19. Missing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i want to fucking die

Eridan didn't go to school the next day. He didn't answer his cell phone or email whenever Aradia tried to contact him. Needless to say, she was worried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cant take this shitty world anymore...
> 
> comment or whateve rthe fuck you want i do nt give a shit anymore fuck this


	20. Hurt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> obligatory trigger warning for cutting  
> dont read this chapter if youre suicidal  
> please dont

Eridan had cut again the next day. Aradia hadn't found out, as he wore a long-sleeve t-shirt and it was a rather cool day, so she didn't question it. It was deep, too. He was lucky it didn't kill him, as it should've been fatal.

It was going longways down his arm, which meant there'd be results. But there wasn't. Too  _fucking_ bad.

He didn't go over Aradia's house that night. He didn't want to. She'd probably want to do it with him or something, and he couldn't risk her finding out. He didn't want her hurt. He had to stay away for her own good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cut again. That's why this is shit. I'm sorry.
> 
> In Family Guy, there's a line that says "Sideways for attention; longways for results!" concerning cutting in the episode "Brian's a Bad Father".  
> So, that happened.
> 
> comment whatever idc anymore


	21. Limit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quite honestly, I just wanted to end this. It was causing me too much stress. Sorry for the shit ending. There was gonna be a lot more to this fic but real life events influenced it in a different direction.

The day after, Aradia attempted to call Eridan again and again. His silence was worrying her.

She called and texted and e-mailed and IM'd. When she called Cronus, he simply responded that he wasn't home and hadn't gotten hold of his brother in a few hours. She panicked and biked over to the Ampora's house.

Aradia pounded on the door to no avail. She screamed for Eridan to get his sorry ass outside and greeting her. It didn't work. She dug the key out from under the doormat and unlocked the door, rushing to the living room. It was rather messy, but no Eridan.

She ran downstairs, where the gaming station was. She hoped he just had his headphones on and was just cranking the volume of Skyrim up rather high. No, not there either.

Dashing up the stairs, Aradia's heart pounded out of her chest as she swung open the door to Eridan's room.A page of notebook paper sat on his bed, with an essay composed of scribbly writing in rust-red ink. A long shadow hung in the room as the blades of the ceiling fan spun around.

She was too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is based off real-life events with me, though my Feferi and Sollux are just one person. And I miss her quite dearly even though she hates me now. Wants me dead. I don't even know what I did.  
> Yes, I do self-harm. It's getting better, I promise. I'm fine.
> 
> There is a sequel! Here is [_Afterlife_](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2559965/chapters/5691974), Aradia's story of recovery after Eridan's suicide.
> 
> I appreciate every single comment. Feel free to send one~ I will always respond!


End file.
